It was 23 year ago today that I made a mistake on my wedding day that I've lived and agonized over. The mistake was this ... When I was asked that day the question all grooms are traditionally asked, "Will you promise to love, honor and cherish her until death do you part?"... my answer was a resolute and unwavering, "I Will!"
Don't misunderstand me. My mistake was on my wedding day. My mistake was not my wedding day. No disrespect to the brides of others, but, I married the single most perfect woman on the planet that day. I've been unbelievably happily married since.
My mistake was simply saying, "I will." In the days leading up to my fateful wedding, I wanted everything about the wedding day to be no less than perfect for my beautiful bride. I agonized over the tux until I got the perfect one. I studied the wedding day script until I knew it forwards and back. I circled and highlighted my key line in the script and read it over and over until my throat was red and raw. "I will." "I will." "I WILL!" I proclaimed to the mirror over and over like I were Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver saying "You talking to me."
The problem was this, since my wife was a wee little girl, she'd been saying her wedding line over and over in her head. She knew the line. She didn't need a stinking script. The only difference was that her line was, "I do."
After I was asked my question on the wedding day. Again, I followed the script and answered "I will." So, when she was asked, "Will you promise to love, honor and cherish him until death do you part?"... she hesitated slightly. She was trapped with me... I mean my answer. She answered, "I will."
Of course, I didn't know anything was wrong at first. We had a great first kiss. We had an incredible reception. However, when we driving away from the reception, on our way to the honeymoon, she said to me, "What's with the 'I Will?'"
I pointed out that I'd followed the script. She replied, "What script?"
Thus, today on my 23rd wedding anniversary I hereby amend my answer to my wedding vows and related vows I've made over the last 23 years in the following manner:
Do you promise to love honor and cherish her until death do you part? I do!
While you may start out in a moldy basement apartment, do you promise to attempt to find an old fixer upper and embark on home improvement projects with vim, vigor and power tools at the risk of your personal safety and manhood to make your bride happy? I do!
Do you promise to have fun, laugh until your stomach and cheeks hurt each and every single day together for the rest of your days? I do!
Do you promise to try absolutely everything together including but not limited to, water skiing, snowboarding, horse back riding, a marathon (next year), para sailing, cutting umbilical chords, green bean casserole, crown molding and chick flicks? I do!
Do also promise to love honor and cherish the life that you've built together which includes, but again is not limited to, two kids, 3 cars, a great (ever changing)house, 5 horses, 2 dogs and a turtle named Sheila? I do!
Do you promise that you will never answer another question with the words ... "I will?" I Do!
I do and always will love my wife... forever.
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